“Upholders value self-command and performance. Questioners value justification and purpose. Obligers value teamwork and duty. Rebels value freedom and self-identity.” Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies
“The happiest, healthiest, most productive people aren’t those from a particular Tendency, but rather they’re the people who have figured out how to harness the strengths of their Tendency, counteract the weaknesses, and build the lives that work for them.” Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies
Revelations on myself I got from the book The Four Tendencies on the second listen through:
- Questions are often heard as belligerent, hostile, or annoying. Even when they’re not intended to be a source of conflict.
- Paradoxically, those of us who love seeking information find being questioned ourselves unpleasant.
- Curiosity manifests as a resistance to decisions of authority and to unexplained assumptions of others.
- Others think a Questioner care a lot about a subject they question. Questioners gravitate toward anything unexplained – even if it’s very unimportant.
- Easy ways I help myself: Deadlines. Time limits. Delegate to a trusted advisor or friend. Self-imposed rules. Schedule. Monitor time. Write down my ultimate goals and values. Share my thinking and to what end information might help me.
- Take action toward my values and preferences:
- I like novelty, new beginnings, long days, nights, more is more, silver linings, variety, clarity, convenience, customization, observation, processes, roles, instructions.
- I struggle with rules for rules sake, rigid interpretation, demandingness, submissiveness, vagueness, misunderstandings, obscurity.
“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day.” Ralph Waldo Emerson Learning means letting go of yesterday’s identity. Let others try to hold us to who they think we are. Who we genuinely may have been for a moment. It’s up to us ... Read more
Download a free cheat sheet I made for myself about navigating the world. I like reminders. Maybe you’ll like it too. Full-text below. Download a PDF: One Rule To Live By Cheat Sheet – One rule to live by: There’s no one rule. I love saving many tools and models for navigating the world. The devil is in the details of course. There are no absolutes, only thoughts to try. This takes practice and it's not magic. Frameworks and models I’m a student of: Negative Emotions: Look at your own thoughts and beliefs first: State many good outcomes. Stay specific ... Read more