“A part of maturity is about an ability to talk in an unfrightened way and a reassuring way about some of one’s more troubling desires.
“As people get older they get better at this. When I watch older people getting into relationships now, one of the good sides is that they say things like “There are just some things I need to tell you about themselves. I’ve learned this over long years. On Sunday evenings, don’t say anything. I’ll just be in a strange mood. I’ll be okay on Monday morning. It’s maybe just best to leave me alone”
“That may be the hard won fruit of years of arguments with another person who has been the educator in this field.
“Young people in their desire to please and their fear of their own peculiarities may not be able to lay out their oddities in a way others achieve that understanding.”
Alain De Botton
Believe in the life-shaping power of honest, respectful, consent-based relationships. “On a gut level, I just feel like you need to let your own truth be enough. Which is not to say ‘I’m sorry I can’t attend because you are boring to me.’ You do not need to go out of your way to be hurtful to people. Nor do you need to deceive. Every time you deceive I think you do a little damage to your soul. So let your own truth be good enough. Say ‘I’m sorry, I will not be able to attend.’ And then offer no ... Read more
“The sulk is a fury that another person hasn’t understood something key about you. Mixed with a real commitment to not explaining what that thing is. Blaming them for not understanding you. But refusing to explain because that seems to be a betrayal of love. "So you get home, you bolt the bathroom door, and you refuse to say what’s wrong. You expect the lover to read through the door and into your soul. And just KNOW. "That’s a childhood fantasy that the parent can see into you. That God can see into you. It’s very touching and so dangerous. ... Read more