“In segments about conflicts between Oscar and the others on the street, the show taught how children might cope with diversity in the context of school desegregation.”

“In segments about conflicts between Oscar and the others on the street, the show taught how children might cope with diversity in the context of school desegregation.”

“1. It’s okay to be different;”
“2. One man’s trash is another grouch’s treasure;”
“3. Embrace who you are and be yourself;”
“4. Just because you’re grouchy, doesn’t mean you can’t also be kind;”
“5. Emotions can be confusing.”

It’s not unkind to be honestly irritable. You can be disinterested in a subject of conversation.

While we try to be kind, it’s also okay to be like… welp can’t provide what you’re looking for right now.

Oscar is a great character who is really in tune with what he can provide. (1)Holds his own in being different. (2) Embracing his own views of what’s valuable (3) Stays true to himself (4) Takes risks in expressing himself (5) Explores the variety of challenging emotions <3

Source: In Praise of Oscar the Grouch

“When you present a performance, all you’re waiting for is a response to it. The response might be positive and reassuring. It might also be … terrible. The hard part is the next take, the next performance, the next day.” Julia Roberts

“When you present a performance, all you’re waiting for is a response to it. The response might be positive and reassuring. It might also be … terrible. The hard part is the next take, the next performance, the next day. To still be able to go to a place of exposing your feelings and showing what is the truth of what you’re trying to perform. And setting aside the risk of failure.”

Julia Roberts

Source: Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations – Julia Roberts: Daring and Vulnerable, Part 1

“Also, expect things to work out. Then, when things go wrong, you’ll keep pushing through. Because when you expect things to work out, you’ll surely think any setbacks are just temporary.” Stever Robbins

“Luck is the opportunity you aren’t expecting. If you want lots of chance opportunities, you have to plan to make them happen.”

“It’s really easy to get into a routine, day after day. The good news of routines is that they don’t take much thought. The bad news is that the same things happen day after day after day. They’re…routine.”

“Attract luck by being open to new experiences”

“Just being open to new experiences isn’t enough, however. You need to look around enough to notice those opportunities.”

“If you expect to be lucky, you’ll be much more apt to discover opportunity knocking at your door. Expect luck. Even if it’s unrealistic, expect it anyway. ”

“Also, expect things to work out. Then, when things go wrong, you’ll keep pushing through. Because when you expect things to work out, you’ll surely think any setbacks are just temporary.”

Source: 4 (Science-Backed) Tips on Being More Lucky

“How to be a great conversationalist … Your job is often to be a good listener” Daniel Post Senning

“How to be a great conversationalist … Your job is often to be a good listener. If you’re talking to 1 other person, your share of the conversation pie is about 50%. You get to talk about half the time. You’re getting to listen about 1/2 the time also

“As soon as there’s 3 people, your share of that pie as a talker gets smaller. It drops to about a 1/3. You’re listening twice as much as talking. You’re 2/3 and talking a 1/3 if you’re lucky.

“With 4 people, you’re listening 3 times as much as you’re talking. It’s amazing how important listening skills are as part of a conversation.

“There’s a little checklist that I give people for checking in on your own active listening. Are you physically engaged? Are you looking someone in the eye? Are you smiling? Are you relaxed and attentive, present with other people you are with? Are you showing that in the way that you hold yourself?”

“That’s the someone I’d want to be around. That’s the kind of person you can feel comfortable with.”

“A little sparkle in your eye. Are you ready to smile if not grinning? Animated, moves a little when they talk, present in their body. Little nonverbal cues, nods, letting people know you’re listening. Repeat back what you heard. Mirroring and little ways you reflect.”

“The final act is to contribute something yourself and ask a follow up a question. That’s the fourth step. My advice: Notice when you arriving at that step and don’t do it. Hold yourself accountable. Don’t say that first thing. Don’t ask that first question? Don’t contribute that thing that you were going to interject. You get to contribute and it’s self-control.”

“Share a thought this conversation has inspired. And then bring the conversation back to what the other person is saying. Ask their perspective. Allow the person who initiated the conversation to be in the driver’s seat.”

“The simple mistake is me-too-ism. Let me tell you my version of that story. Common conversation mistake.”

“I cannot stand those conversations where it’s two people saying a thing in their own life. We’re not really talking about each other. We’re just sharing.”

“Maybe the ball has been passed to you. You find your moment to contribute.”

Source: Awesome Etiquette – Episode #215: Who’s Invited? | Listen via Stitcher Radio On Demand

“People think that personality traits and intelligence are static, but our brains are much more plastic and malleable than we realize, at any age.” Karla Starr

“I was surprised to find out how easily this can happen when we get information about ourselves. If a grade school teacher tells us that we’re not cut out for music, we learn that we’re no good. So So we’ll never practice, get more flustered when we do, and assume that improving is harder for us than others—even though getting better takes time for everyone. More often, however, we’ll just quit. We don’t realize how many aspects of our life are self-fulfilling prophecies, and the lengths that people will go to in order to avoid being wrong about themselves and the world, even when it might lead to positive change.”

“People think that personality traits and intelligence are static, but our brains are much more plastic and malleable than we realize, at any age. Personality traits also depend on the situation we find ourselves in: everyone becomes more conscientious when they’re about to finish a project they really want to complete, or more extroverted when they see a great friend they really want to catch up with. Our lifestyles and social environments shape what we think we’re capable of, especially the habits among p

Source: Gretchen Rubin

“You’d probably start laughing because you’d realize that your fears had been the result of a gigantic cosmic joke that had persisted throughout all of your previous reincarnations.” David D. Burns

“According to this legend, after you die, you’ll wake up in a dark place. Out of the darkness, a terrifying monster will suddenly appear. The monster will represent all the worst fears you’ve ever had. For each person, the monster will be different, since we all have different fears and vulnerabilities.

“When the monster appears, you’ll have two choices: You can try to get away, or you can surrender. If you try to get away, you will escape– but just barely–and soon you’ll be lost in the dark again.

“Out of the darkness, a second monster will emerge. This one will be almost as terrifying as the first, but not quite, and you’ll be faced with the same choice: surrender or flee. If you try to escape, you’ll succeed, but you’ll soon get yourself in the dark again. Every time you escape, another terrifying monster will appear,. Each monster will be slightly less terrifying than the one before, and if you run you’ll always barely manage to get away.

“According to the legend, the number of monsters you’ll have to confront depends on the number of days int he month when you die. … If you run away from all the monsters, you’ll be reincarnated as something very lowly, like a worm. If you surrender to one of the monsters, you’ll be reincarnated to a higher level. The scarier the monster you surrender to, the greater your status in your next life will be.

“In the event that you surrendered to the first and most terrifying monster, two things would happen. First, you’d discover that the monster was not real. You’d realize that it was just an illusion that you never had anything to fear in the first place. You’d see that the monster had no teeth. This would be an incredible triumph. The discovery might also seem incredibly funny, and you’d probably start laughing because you’d realize that your fears had been the result of a gigantic cosmic joke that had persisted throughout all of your previous reincarnations.”

David D. Burns, When Panic Attacks

Curious: One-word theme for Age 36

“If you look at a thing, the very fact of your looking changes it…if you think about yourself, that very fact changes you.” Robert Penn Warren (Flood: A Novel)

I hope to witness and workaround the downsides of curiosity: Doubtful skepticism. Overstepping. Self-destructiveness. Distraction. Blame.

I choose to act on the upsides of curiosity. Instead of presenting opposition, I’ll try to show I’m on your side, I’m on my side, and explore ideas with you.

I’m often surprised when I present an idea and it’s received conflicting. I tend to feel that most ideas are additive and compatible. The question to explore is how, when, and where an idea belongs in practical senses.

With purpose and repetition, I can gain skill in presenting a shared world of thoughts.

I love the one word theme years. In a word, I conjure up a version of myself.

A dog is trained to heel. In the same way, practice over a year – or even the idea of practice itself – that once felt hard becomes easily summoned with a single command.

Reviewing last year: Age 35 – Process:

Once you look at a series of actions and steps in our goals on such a small level, it can seem silly to not move forward.

I’ve discovered that I can identify easy steps to change. Overwhelmed by chores? Stand up. Look around.

Let myself view on a small level.

We can see the easy parts. Why change the hardest part when often it’ll change anyway by tackling something so easy?

There’s a downside to processes too. We convince ourselves that our actions remain so small that it must be neutral or good.

Once put into one context or another, that little moment can become something no longer valuable.

Let myself view at a higher altitude.

One word themes

  • 2018 Complete. (Level Up by Ciara)
  • 2017 Go. (Ready to Go by Panic at the Disco)
  • 2016 Listen (Listen by Beyonce).
  • Age 36 Curious (Witness by Katy Perry)
  • Age 35: Process (Life is Wonderful by Jason Mraz)
  • Age 34: Balance (The Middle by Jimmy Eat World)

One Rule to Live By: There Is No One Rule (Downloadable)

Download a free cheat sheet I made for myself about navigating the world. I like reminders. Maybe you’ll like it too. Full-text below. Download a PDF: One Rule To Live By Cheat Sheet

One Rule To Live By Cheat Sheet

One rule to live by: There’s no one rule.

I love saving many tools and models for navigating the world. The devil is in the details of course. There are no absolutes, only thoughts to try. This takes practice and it’s not magic.

Frameworks and models I’m a student of:

Negative Emotions:

  • Look at your own thoughts and beliefs first: State many good outcomes. Stay specific and answer “how…?” Positives matter. Stay present. Ask don’t guess. Avoid comparison. Encourage not demand or submit. Identify not label. Focus toward want, hope, and choice, rather than obligation, duty, and correctness. (Feeling Good)
  • Negative events have specific temporary causes; good things have permanent reasons. Problems can be contained, while solutions can be applied throughout our lives. Our contributions to good things matter, while we’re still not solely the cause of our misfortunes. (Learned Optimism)
  • Develop, learn, persist, be inspired. Can not can’t. Better, not best. Learn, not failure. Next step not ignoring. Hard is better than easy. Strategy not giving up (Mindset)
  • Process Versus Outcomes. Consider as many facts and influences on outcomes. Define terms. Be specific and in the present moment. (When Panic Attacks)
  • Convert problems into strengths. Use workarounds and reminders. Accept and acknowledge negative emotions, you can handle them. Take action, don’t wait. (Superbetter)

Relationships:

  • Choose in place of resentment. Challenge in place of blame. Coach without fixing. (Karpman Drama Triangle)
  • Share information, note consequences, and give options. Customize. Limits give us freedom. (The Four Tendencies)
  • Listen and express what truth you have in common, acknowledge the feelings of others. Share your feelings. Say positive and respectful things about others even when you’re upset with them. Encourage sharing of ideas, thoughts, and feelings. Fix your own patterns, don’t fix others. (Feeling Good Together)
  • Consider and respect all involved while also being honest. (Awesome Etiquette)
  • Care personally AND Challenge directly. Try to avoid unkind criticism, sugarcoated help, and unclear harshness. (Radical Kindness)
  • Soft heart, strong limits. Act on our own values. Opt out of negativity. Ask without judgment. Choose generous interpretations (BRAVING)
  • Every one of every person’s qualities has a positive and respectable value to them. (Transactional Analysis)
  • Observe yourself and others. Need, value, ask, and feel without demanding. (Nonviolent Communication)
  • Say good and appreciative things. Show interest, encourage others to talk, and sincerely show that they’re important. Value opinions. Admit mistakes. Ask especially when you know they’ll say yes. Let them choose from their POV. Challenge them, Share stories about ideas. (How to Win Friends and Influence People)
  • Vent your concerns when in the middle of a crisis. It helps more to vent to someone who is in a less difficult position that yourself. (Ring Theory)
  • Observe the ways others express love, what they request, and what they express dissatisfaction with. Encourage and affirm often. Use body language. Small items matter, receive with gratitude, and mark special occasions. Spend time one-on-one without distraction. Say you’ll help and do it. (The Five Love Languages)
  • Express Regret. Accept Responsibility. Take action to make things right. Try not to do it again. Ask for forgiveness without expectation. (The Five Languages of Apology)
  • Interrupt bigotry, simply say “Stop”. Question bias. Educate when you choose to. Echo and highlight positively when others speak up: “I agree and thank you for speaking up”. Ask authority and peers for change. (Tolerance.org)
  • Learn to walk away with no hard feelings. Your courage and confidence lets everyone win. Courage without consideration forces others to lose. Empathy without courage chooses others over yourself. (7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

Productivity:

  • Find more options. Test. Get space before making a decision. Prepare to be wrong. (Decisive)
  • Write your ideas down – writing exists to help us store and organize information. Look for the smallest step. Organize. Schedule, delegate, save for later, decide what not to do. Focus on important and time-sensitive tasks. (Getting Things Done)
  • Is your thought true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react and what happens when you believe that thought? What would you do without that thought? (The Work)
  • Our schedule is our life. There is no right time. Create habits rather than relying on decisions, effort, and self control. We can only change ourselves. Others may or may not choose to change if we change. Create convenience for good habits and inconvenience for bad ones. Create momentum. Self-compassion creates a habit. Self-guilt creates struggle. (Better Than Before)

“Questioners value justification and purpose.” Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies

“Upholders value self-command and performance. Questioners value justification and purpose. Obligers value teamwork and duty. Rebels value freedom and self-identity.” Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies

“The happiest, healthiest, most productive people aren’t those from a particular Tendency, but rather they’re the people who have figured out how to harness the strengths of their Tendency, counteract the weaknesses, and build the lives that work for them.” Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies

Revelations on myself I got from the book The Four Tendencies on the second listen through:

  • Questions are often heard as belligerent, hostile, or annoying. Even when they’re not intended to be a source of conflict.
  • Paradoxically, those of us who love seeking information find being questioned ourselves unpleasant.
  • Curiosity manifests as a resistance to decisions of authority and to unexplained assumptions of others.
  • Others think a Questioner care a lot about a subject they question. Questioners gravitate toward anything unexplained – even if it’s very unimportant.
  • Easy ways I help myself: Deadlines. Time limits. Delegate to a trusted advisor or friend. Self-imposed rules. Schedule. Monitor time. Write down my ultimate goals and values. Share my thinking and to what end information might help me.
  • Take action toward my values and preferences:
    • I like novelty, new beginnings, long days, nights, more is more, silver linings, variety, clarity, convenience, customization, observation, processes, roles, instructions.
    • I struggle with rules for rules sake, rigid interpretation, demandingness, submissiveness, vagueness, misunderstandings, obscurity.