First I turn to my own sense of compassion:
Their pride is an understandable feeling of invisibility and need for acceptance. Their envy reminds me that we’re different and can we learn from each other’s differences. Their anger is a form of fear of the unknown. Their gluttony and indulgence is their understandable hope to find what’s missing. Their lust and social desires are a need for connection with others.Their sloth is worry, doubt, and anticipation toward the results of action, success, and failure. And their greed is vulnerability manifesting as deprivation and desperation.
I can understand that their flaws share each of these in common with my own flaws.
Next I turn to self-care. What combination of outcomes can I ask for suits both of our needs? If we can’t agree, then it’s okay to put a little or a lot of this time and energy elsewhere.
In giving support, I give them freedom to make choices according to their own ideas. Making sure they do things according to my thinking is not my job to witness.
Finally, I politely make boring limits with a Soft Heart. “I want X. The problem is Y. What I’d like is Z.” I’m stubbornly polite, use my magic words, and stay in my lane with a good sense of humor.
People are allowed to be negative people. Let Eeyores be Eeyores. They can take care of themselves and like being that way.
Listen to understand. If your intent is to understand, then these people are more interesting than annoying.
"Make life more complicated. My urge is always to simplify. My impulse is to lighten the load. Then I would see people making their lives more complicated right at the very times when I would say: "Why are you doing it now? That doesn't make any sense at all. Then I realized it does make sense. Right when I have that feeling, why would someone do this, it makes no sense to me. That's when you say to yourself it does make sense. Why would someone do something. It does make sense to them. It's a way to crowd out ... Read more
"If you have the courage to look at your role, then it empowers you to change the situation around rapidly. By radically changing the way you respond to the other person." David Burns
"If you have the courage to look at your role, then t empowers you to change the situation around rapidly. By radically changing the way you respond to the other person." "When you're looking at your part of it, it's not about beating yourself up. You don't want to blame the other person and it's not about pointing the finger at yourself and blaming yourself. It is about looking at: What am I contributing to the situation and dynamic." "It's hard for people because they're not subtle in their thinking. It's their fault or my fault." "Blame is the cause ... Read more