The Happier podcast episode (123) on shielding yourself from worry reminded me of a Rescuer in the model called Karpman Drama Triangle. Have any of you read about this?
The episode discussed how we often worry about other people’s problems rather than our own. We’ll get involved to the point of creating conflict within ourselves and externally.
In Karpman’s model, he says that we take on three roles when we’re involved in destructive conflict. He called it a drama triangle because we’re acting to try and get what we want:
A Persecutor role acts with blame, criticism, and anger. They’d be better off asking for what they want, being clear, and look for a solution without being entitled or punishing.
A Victim role acts helpless to get others to solve their problems. They take criticism and help as permission to fail. Or as signs that they’re unable. They’re better off making attempts at problem-solving, making decisions, and focusing on making effort and testing actions.
The Rescuer role sounds a lot what was discussed in this episode! A rescuer solves problems that they don’t need to solve causing victims to continue being dependent. The rescuer sticks with looking at the problems of others. Then they can ignore their own. A successful rescue becomes It’s a form procrastination and imagination. Imagining yourself as the hero
A Rescuer can instead use this tendency. They can encourage others to see themselves as capable and ask questions that lead them to solve their own issues. As Gretchen said, we all have to be careful not to overreach and fix.
A good question might be to ask might be: what problem of our own could we use this energy for?
I've written my Happiness Manifesto inspired by Gretchen Rubin. A manifesto is a public declaration of intentions and values. Newly revised version: If all else fails, let go a little. Or a lot. Don’t sweat small stuff (It’s all small stuff) Different people like different things. Effort over outcomes. Show up. Events involve pieces beyond us. Win-win or no deal, and that’s okay! Listen. Notice what right. Say good things out loud. Mistakes are neutral at worst, helpful at best. Decisions go forward, not backward. Original draft (November 3, 2016) If all else fails, let go a little. Or a ... Read more
“The difference between exhilaration and fear is hard to tell the difference unless you’ve practiced it.” Caroline Paul
“Physically, fear and excitement feel very similar. There’s the increased heart rate. There’s the little bit of sweat. The difference between exhilaration and fear is hard to tell the difference unless you’ve practiced it.” Caroline Paul Listen to Caroline Paul on Design Matters