“Questioners value justification and purpose.” Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies

“Upholders value self-command and performance. Questioners value justification and purpose. Obligers value teamwork and duty. Rebels value freedom and self-identity.” Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies

“The happiest, healthiest, most productive people aren’t those from a particular Tendency, but rather they’re the people who have figured out how to harness the strengths of their Tendency, counteract the weaknesses, and build the lives that work for them.” Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies

Revelations on myself I got from the book The Four Tendencies on the second listen through:

  • Questions are often heard as belligerent, hostile, or annoying. Even when they’re not intended to be a source of conflict.
  • Paradoxically, those of us who love seeking information find being questioned ourselves unpleasant.
  • Curiosity manifests as a resistance to decisions of authority and to unexplained assumptions of others.
  • Others think a Questioner care a lot about a subject they question. Questioners gravitate toward anything unexplained – even if it’s very unimportant.
  • Easy ways I help myself: Deadlines. Time limits. Delegate to a trusted advisor or friend. Self-imposed rules. Schedule. Monitor time. Write down my ultimate goals and values. Share my thinking and to what end information might help me.
  • Take action toward my values and preferences:
    • I like novelty, new beginnings, long days, nights, more is more, silver linings, variety, clarity, convenience, customization, observation, processes, roles, instructions.
    • I struggle with rules for rules sake, rigid interpretation, demandingness, submissiveness, vagueness, misunderstandings, obscurity.
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Happiness Manifesto

I’ve written my Happiness Manifesto inspired by Gretchen Rubin. A manifesto is a public declaration of intentions and values.

Newly revised version:

  1. If all else fails, let go a little. Or a lot. Don’t sweat small stuff (It’s all small stuff)
  2. Different people like different things.
  3. Effort over outcomes. Show up.
  4. Events involve pieces beyond us.
  5. Win-win or no deal, and that’s okay!
  6. Listen. Notice what right. Say good things out loud.
  7. Mistakes are neutral at worst, helpful at best. Decisions go forward, not backward.

 

Original draft (November 3, 2016)

  1. If all else fails, let go a little. Or a lot.
  2. I love that we all get to exist.
  3. Different people like different things.
  4. Effort over outcomes. Show up for yourself.
  5. There’s always many factors
  6. Win-win or no deal, and that’s okay!
  7. Listen. Notice what right.
  8. Say good things out loud
  9. Mistakes are neutral at worst, helpful at best.
  10. Don’t sweat the small stuff (It’s all Small Stuff)
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Happiness Manifesto: Say good things out loud

I’ve made it a goal to notice positive things. And say them out loud. Give compliments to myself and to others. And notice how many people go out of their way to do it. Just like the guy Marie Forleo mentions in her video on Positive attitudes. The maxim “Say good things out loud” on my Happiness Manifesto reminds me to notice and share good thoughts.

Martin Seligman, father of positive psychology, notes in his books that positive and negative thinking is a habit. It’s easier to change behavior than thinking. It’s easier to change thinking than feelings:

Step 1: Change Behavior.

Step 2: New behavior leads to new thoughts.

Step 3: New thoughts leads to new feelings.

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